Let’s start with a couple of facts:

• You live in a country that spends over £1 billion every year, consuming pornography. A generation that worships lust like a god, and a culture that says if you’re not getting laid then you’re not normal.
• The sexual health of young people in the UK is worse than anywhere else in the whole of Europe.
• In the whole of the developed world only the USA has a worse teen pregnancy rate. And the UK has the highest rate of STDs in all of Western Europe.

So what does the Bible say about sex? We naturally just assume that the only take the Bible has is to save sex for marriage. Some people even think that God hates people having sex. God actually made you to have a great experience but there are huge consequences that go with it so God offers lots of great advice on what we should do.

Here are a few words straight from God’s mouth:

Exodus 20:14 – “Do not commit adultery.” That means no sex outside of marriage. Adultery isn’t just a married person sleeping with someone else. When you have sex you are someone’s future husband/wife and so is the other person involved. But God takes it more seriously than that:

Ephesians 5:3 – “But among you there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality.” That means don’t engage in any ‘type’ of sexual stuff unless you are married and you share in it together. Some people think they can do everything but actually have sex but God wants better for you than that. All the other stuff is just as risky and makes you want to go further anyway. God still wants to challenge you some more:

Matthew 5:28 – “Anyone that looks at another person lustfully has already committed adultery with them in their heart.” Now God says sex isn’t just physical – it’s mental, emotional and it’s a matter of the heart. Even thinking about it is dodgy ground; in fact it’s the same deal. It still affects you a lot and your private life is just as real as your public one.

Remember God, and the Bible, doesn’t say sex is wrong, just that your actions, thoughts and attitude about it must honour marriage, other people, you and most of all the God who made marriage.

The problem is that the world has some seriously different views on this subject and it’s in your face every day. So me telling you not to have sex is not good enough. We need some real honesty. Here goes: I’m 28 years old.

• I’ve been married for almost 2 years.
• I was a virgin until 26 1/2, until the day I got married.
• I have had 5 girlfriends. I cried when 2 of those relationships ended.
• I used to keep a small stash of FHM magazines hidden in my room.
• I have struggled with masturbation and lust as much as anyone else has.

So I’m real! I have made my share of mistakes. I have struggled and I have been hurt. But I have also learnt to make some really good, healthy choices too.

• How do you really feel about yourself?
• Is there is at least 1 thing you would like to change?
• Would you like to be smarter – more athletic – better looking?

The way we view ourselves has a massive effect on our attitudes and actions.

If you think you are rubbish, you will trash your life – almost on purpose. Think about a £10 note. It may get ripped, slightly burnt, binned, have drink spilt on it, get trod on and spat on. Yet it is still worth £10. Sometimes we go through horrible things in life. Those things make our self esteem (what we think our value is) go up and down all the time. But our real value (God given and unique) never changes.

I know you’re valuable – but you have to believe it for yourself. You have to discover yourself that God has made you with incredible value and purpose.

The other big issue is what Christianity means to you.

It’s not a game – we go to Youth Group X on Fridays and pretend to be a hero or go to church on Sunday and act happy and well behaved. When really during the rest of the week we hang out with people that get drunk and kiss as many people as possible or we are so depressed we cry ourselves to sleep and hope we won’t have to wake up the next morning. God wants honesty too. God wants reality.

It’s not a club or hobby that makes you feel special. It’s not just a lifestyle. It’s THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. Christianity puts a demand on every area of your life and that includes your sex life.

I’m not saying sex is wrong – Adam & Eve were called by God to populate the Earth. There’s only one way that was ever going to happen.

“ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were naked and they felt no shame.” (GENESIS 2:24-25)

 Look at that verse – Adam and Eve never felt shame in their sex life. That’s what God hopes for you too. Sex should never be linked with shame.

Sex is great but outside marriage it will cause serious damage. STI’s are really common and you always risk infection when you get intimate with someone who has a past. Pregnancy is another risk every time you have sex. All the evidence points out that families are much stronger when marriage is established before sex and children.

You also mess with your emotions. Outside marriage it is very common for sexual relationships to break up. You give your whole self to someone trusting that they won’t reject you. Yet it likely will happen and that leaves you feeling worse about yourself and about sex.

It’s definitely not God’s best – Jeremiah 2:13

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and they have dug their own cisterns, broken ones that cannot hold water.” Sexual activity outside marriage is like drinking dirty water from a toilet when God has offered a fresh spring of living water for all those that choose it.

What God wants is purity – but what does that look like?

Some people think purity is a line that they shouldn’t cross. But when you have a line, no one really knows where it is. You also tend to try and get as close to the line as possible without crossing it. Then you eventually do cross it and think “it’s not so bad over here, I can always stop anytime I want” – that’s already way too late. Or you honour God which means you get as far away from the line as possible and put such crazy expectation on yourself that you still feel a failure and the only possible answer is to live as a monk on a mountain where you never have human contact ever again!

Purity is not a line. Purity is a stand. It’s a commitment you make, a pillar you climb. Somewhere you can say here is where I stand, I will not step to the left, right, forward or back. This is where God wants me and this is where I will stay!

A stand is something real. It is defined and has a great foundation of good choices and personal dedication. Sometimes we all make the wrong choice – we’re human! Making a stand means that you have somewhere to get back up straight away.

Final advice:

Sex outside of marriage you’re messing with your/others future –My ex Girlfriend’s past was full of bad boyfriends doing what they wanted, when they wanted. That broke my heart and made it so painful just to care for her. She also lost all sense of personal value and walked away from God.

Avoid pornography – All it says is that women are designed to please men. That makes it tough to relate to girls as real people. You just end up judging their value by their looks. You’ll also be dissatisfied. When you do marry you can’t have a blonde & brunette, a curvy and slim girl. SO you get bored and think less of your wife.

Missionary dating – Jesus didn’t do it so we shouldn’t either. Jesus can still save our friends without us dating them. In fact, what better way to them God’s love than to be share an awesome, healthy friendship that doesn’t have to mean ‘more’.

So go on, make a stand.

Jesus said “Deny yourself”. Life is about more than sex and dating.

Job 31:1 – “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at another person.” Make a promise to yourself and God not to think, look and act lustfully.

Psalm 51:10 – “Create in me a pure heart O God!” Pray this and be open to God changing your heart and mind about this whole part of your life.